The Greatest Love Story of Our Time

By Bill Mefford

There have been some great love stories told: Romeo and Juliet, Anna Karenina and Leo Tolstoy, the Thornbirds (a novel and TV series when I was a kid I wasn’t supposed to watch), and so many more. Then, when you look at love songs, you have some greats: When a Man Loves a Woman by Percy Sledge, All of Me by John Legend, Your Song by Elton John, or the sappy but classic I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston. Again so many more.

So many poems, songs, movies, books, art, all produced to celebrate the greatest and most powerful force in the world today: love. But none of the stories we find in the books or on film or through art or spoken through poems can adequately describe the love between Republican politicians and their guns. It is truly a love I do not have for anything or anyone.

We have a gun violence epidemic in our country and it struck yesterday, yet again, in Texas as another middle-aged white man went on a shooting spree and killed seven people. Of course, this follows just weeks after one of the deadliest shootings in US history by a white supremacist who killed 22. To address the shootings, the Republican-led state legislature and Governor enacted a number of new laws that included:

  • Allow licensed handgun owners to carry weapons in places of worship, including churches and synagogues.

  • Ban landlords and homeowners from prohibiting tenants to own, carry and transport guns on their property.

  • Prevent school districts from prohibiting licensed gun owners — including school employees — from storing guns and ammunition in school parking lots as long as it is not in plain view.

  • Allow foster homes to store firearms.

  • Prevent citizens for being charged for carrying a handgun without a license while evacuating or returning to a declared disaster zone.

  • Allow disaster shelters to take in evacuees who have guns.

  • Allow schools to have more armed marshals on campus.

  • Defend licensed gun owners who unknowingly enter designated gun-free zones as long as they leave after being told about the policy.

While many politicians will tell you that their highest priority is public safety, the love that Republican politicians have for their guns trumps any priority for public safety by far (pun intended). Texas Republicans saw the 22 people dead in El Paso and thought, “what can we do to show the world our passionate love for guns? We’ll make guns even more accessible!”

Never before in our country’s history have politicians so brazenly voted against public safety because of their tremendous devotion to guns. Republican politicians reject common sense policies that would reduce the number of people killed because those policies will take away their one greatest love in life: their guns. Universal background checks, a strong ban on assault weapons and large capacity magazines, red flag laws, and registering guns like you do your car, are all effective measures that, taken together, will reduce the number of killed by guns, but, for Republican politicians, guns mean way more than people.

What love, what devotion, what passion!

To celebrate the overwhelming infatuation Republican politicians have for guns I have taken a few famous quotes from song lyrics and films that they can now use for the thing they love the most: their firearms. See if you can guess where the quote comes from! (Answers are below)

  1. “Good night GUN, good night GUN! parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow.”

  2. “If you’re a GUN, then I’m a GUN.”

  3. “If I was a sculptor, but then again no. Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show, Oh I know it's not much but it's the best I can do My gift is my GUN And this GUN’s for you”

  4. “And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight, You're a GUN in the window, On a cold, dark winter's night, And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

    And I can't fight this GUN anymore, I've forgotten what I started fighting for, It's time to bring this GUN into the shore, And throw away the oars, forever”

  5. “Winning that ticket, GUN, was the best thing that ever happened to me... it brought me to you, GUN. And I'm thankful for that, GUN. I'm thankful. GUN, you must do me this honor. Promise me GUN you'll survive. That you GUN won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, GUN, and never let go of that promise."

  6. "I don't know if my GUN and me each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental — like on a breeze, but I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time. I miss you, GUN. If there's anything you need, I won't be far away."

  7. When the rain is blowing in GUN’s face
    And the whole world is on GUN’s case
    I could offer GUN a warm embrace
    To make GUN feel my love

    When the evening shadows and the stars appear
    And there is no one there to dry GUN’s tears
    Oh, I hold GUN for a million years
    To make GUN feel my love

    I know GUN haven't made your mind up yet
    But I will never do GUN wrong
    I've known it from the moment that we met
    No doubt in my mind where GUN belongs

    I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue
    And I'd go crawling down the avenue
    No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
    To make GUN feel my love

  1. Romeo and Juliet

  2. Noah from The Notebook (film)

  3. Elton John, Your Song

  4. REO Speedwagon, Can’t Fight This Feeling

  5. Jack to Rose, The Titanic

  6. Forrest to Jenny at her graveside, Forrest Gump

  7. Adele, Make You Feel My Love

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